SHOCKING VIDEOS

Captain Kangaroo Presents Carnal Desire

2009-06-08T11:30:00.006-04:00

I dunno. You figure it out. The horns up gesture at the end is a nice touch though.

La Cabina

2009-06-04T02:31:00.006-04:00

Have a great day!

Back in the Day...

2009-04-04T02:23:00.007-04:00

Shocking Videos print catalogs 1996 - 2000
(click on image for a super-sized view)
Think it's about time for a new one?

'Round, 'Round, 'Round, I Get Around...

2009-03-27T14:39:00.001-04:00

God's Way of Telling You You Have Too Much Money

2009-03-23T17:52:00.011-04:00

Robin Williams used to joke that cocaine was "God's way of telling you you have too much money" and hey, he should know. But we DVD collectors, we know better don't we? We know what the REAL monkey is don't we? Oh yes we do. Take a guilty glance over there at those stacks of discs that have never even been opened and tell me I'm wrong, sinner.

It's not all your fault though. Sure, you're weak but those digital crack dealers that hide behind lofty names like "studios" don't make it any easier do they? They know what you like. They know what you secretly want. What you NEED. They know that even though your friends and family will laugh at you and you'll hate yourself in the morning you still can't avoid the lure of... a little head. The bastards.

More Fumettis!

2009-03-22T16:51:00.009-04:00

A Funny Thing Happened at Brunch Today...

2009-02-21T11:32:00.001-05:00

Virginia Madsen Topless - video powered by Metacafe

Story of My Life...

2009-02-01T02:50:00.007-05:00

Alright, who's been reading my diary, I mean journal?

What the Fu... pa?

2009-01-30T16:24:00.011-05:00

Got an e-mail from the Bakers (http://www.bakerradio.com/) yesterday where they mentioned a "Jessica Simpson FUPA Alert" and alright, dammit I confess: I had no idea what "Fupa" meant. Fact is I ain't getting any younger and keeping up with trendy lingo and the latest in sk8terspeak is falling further and further down the "To Do" list. I knew I was in trouble a couple of years ago when one of my customers who runs a trendy boutique in LaLaLand used the term "steez" in a sentence and I had no idea what the fuck she was talking about (means "style with ease", gramps).

So anyway, thank Gob for Google and the Urban Slang Dictionary. It turns out FUPA is a acronym for, I kid you not, "Fat Upper Pussy Area" - the phenomenon that occurs when a woman is, and I'm quoting here, "so afflicted by obesity that their pubic area is used to store fatty waste"

In other words, Jessica has been packin' on the poundage:

Now I ain't hatin' (playa), but fupa or no fupa, the double leopard skin belt and mommy jeans thing just ain't a good look, even if you are starting to resemble Charro...

Oh, did I forget to mention that that this (no doubt delightful) musical performance was at... a chili cook off???

(For the finest in redneck rascality and hillbilly hijinks on DVD y'all be sure'n check out the "Hicksploitation" section of the Shocking Videos website, ya hear?)

Reason #7,493 Why I Love the InterWeb

2009-01-16T14:13:00.003-05:00

For more Holy Hilarity be sure to check out the Shocking Videos website where you'll find rare religious artifacts like "God's Angry Man" "Good Lord! Religious Films From Beyond Infinity" "If Footmen Tire You What Will Horses Do?" "The Deception of a Generation" "The Best of Dr. Gene Scott" "Screaming Boy" "Perverse Preachers, Fascist Fundamentalists and Kristian Kiddie Kooks" and many more!

Gimme, Gimme...

2009-01-15T10:28:00.010-05:00

Got an e-mail the other day from someone who had UNsubscribed from my eNewsletter mailing list (You HAVE subscribed haven't you? There's a sign up box over there to the right if you haven't) See, when you unsubscribe - which, of course you shouldn't - you're given the option to leave a comment explaining why you've made such a foolish decision. And this guy, no wait, looking at the e-mail a little closer I think it was a gal, did. Now, that doesn't happen very often. Actually that's two things that don't happen very often: I don't have a lot of people unsubscribe and even fewer who leave a comment when they do.

Anyway, this person's comment was, and I quote, "i want to watch free movies on my computer not buy"

Ooookay. Sorry to see you go whoever you were (and don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out) but just for the record, and believe it or not, you *can* watch free movies on your computer through my site. Yep. Go to any page of the Shocking Videos website, scroll down the left hand column and you'll see two links: one for the Shocking Videos Youtube Channel and the other for the Shocking Videos Veoh Channel.

On the Shocking Videos Youtube Channel you'll find a mind-boggling collection of clips, trailers, cartoons and assorted weirdness compiled just for you by yours truly. Be sure to check out the "Banned Commercials From Around the World" and "Infomercials From Hell" playlists and DEFINITELY check out "Idol" which you'll find down in my Favorites section.

And on the Shocking Videos Veoh Channel not only will you find even MORE cool clips and cinematic strangeness, you'll even get FULL LENGTH MOVIES which you can watch right there on your 'puter for the low, low price of... free. And not just any movies either. We're talking GOOD movies. OUR kind of movies. Movies like ILSA, SHE WOLF OF THE SS, CRIPPLED MASTERS, SPEAK OF THE DEVIL, CITY OF THE LIVING DEAD and, well, you get the idea.

So check 'em out. And remember who loves ya, baby.

Little Puffs of Smoke

2008-10-11T00:17:00.032-04:00

A few of the beautiful and bizarre fumettos sent to me by my old trade buddy Massimo back in the day. "Straight from Vatican City!" as he used to say.

I have boxes and boxes of these things... Will dig up and post more (including some Diaboliks and Kriminals) when I get a chance.

Sheer Genius!

2008-09-29T12:13:00.010-04:00

Inspired by forum posts on the site of our good friends at somethingawful.com,* uber-hip jeans company Diesel took the balls and ran with 'em (so to speak), cobbling together this slice of video brilliance entitled "Make Porn Work-Safe: The Movie." Enjoy.

* A Shocking Videos / Something Awful team up has been in the works for some time now. I'll let you know when it finally comes together. Needless to say, it'll be worth the wait!
http://view.break.com/577249 - Watch more free videos

My Busy, Busy World

2008-09-23T00:52:00.008-04:00

Okay, so yeah, I'm falling down on my Bloggy McBlogster duties. But that's because I'm busting my hump filling orders on a timely basis, 'kay? Every time I stop to do one of these blog entries or post to a newsgroup or reply to a MySpace thingy I think that somewhere someone out there sees it and says "Well, hell. He's got time to do that crap. Why hasn't he filled my friggin' order yet???" So, sometimes it sucks to be me. Or that guy. Anyway, I was going to post a YouTube clip of "Fred the Baker" doing his "Time to make the donuts" bit to illustrate my point (i.e. I'm busy) but it looks like the Dunkin Donuts Evil Empire has flushed 'em all down the Memory Hole. So here's this instead:

Time to Make the Donuts!

Let's See, If We Left Right Now...

2008-09-12T12:36:00.011-04:00

Where the Missus and I SHOULD be this weekend:

Where we'll actually be (*sigh*):

You Like Me! You Really Like Me!

2008-09-07T05:17:00.008-04:00

Okay, so we all know Sally Field didn't really say that during her Academy Award acceptance speech (what she actually said - which is just as, if not even more fitting for this post - was, "I haven't had an orthodox career and I've wanted more than anything to have your respect. The first time I didn't feel it, but this time I feel it, and I can't deny the fact that you like me, right now, you like me!"). Nonetheless the sentiment still applies. From the sincerest, tenderest places of my black little heart, thank you to all of you for the very warm welcome back. You guys (and gals) are the greatest. - Mark

Here's a sampling of the e-mail and MySpace messages I've gotten over the last couple of days:

THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!

ABOUT DAMN TIME!

yes! welcome back! Glad to hear it!

Glad to hear you're back.

Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Glad you are back - yours is a unique shopping experience.

I'm glad you're back. I hadn't deleted my wishlist and I was wondering how I was going to get all those unobtainable films.

I am glad you are, alive&vital than ever!!!!!!

Cool!!!

That's GREAT news!!!!

shit yeah, the man is back!

OMG! This is great... I'm so glad you're back!!!!

YOU JUST MADE MY GODDAMNED DAY DUDE - WELCOME BACK IN THE BIGGEST WAY POSSIBLE !!!!

Very happy you're back...SV is the best DVD-r site on the web, hands down, and it was sorely missed.

Welcome back. You were missed.

Welcome back! I was mighty sad to see you go. I cried in my beer, which made my beer watery and salty, which made me cry more...it was a vicious cycle. Anyway, I'm psyched to see you back--you have the highest quality stuff (and I need a fix).

I'm listening to Jack Nitzsche right now at work ... perfect soundtrack for perfect news ... glad yer back.

You are the best, baby.

Good to have you back brother! I'll go see what insane, shameful, and depraved DVD's I can add to my collection!

It's great to have you back in business! I was hoping you wouldn't abandon this madness forever! I always look forward to receiving your wry, tongue-in-cheek emails.

Just writing to tell you how excited I was to get your email. I just wanted to tell you how glad I am to see you back.

Awesome. Awesome. Awesome.

Good to have you back man. I was jonesin', not just for the DVDs, but for the hilarious descriptions you provide for each title.

very good to have you back. you are a valuable guy.

Thank God I kept my wish list. Welcome back!

I'm so glad you are back in the saddle again! Expect an order before the end of the sweet sale. I guess (like the sun and the moon) we take you for granite...but once you leave...it's like the end of the fucking world...

I am delighted to hear that you are back and look forward to dealing with you again.

Welcome back. It is great to see you back in business.

Thank God. I'm posting the news at my blog

needless to say, I'm glad your back in full force. There's a lot of other guys out there trying to do what you do, but goddammit-it's not the same! Inferior products and no selection! YOU make it happen!

Thank you for the great writing on your website. I could sit and read it all day long and be very entertained.

Welcome back, Mark!! It really is grand you decided to get back in to the insane game!

Glad to hear you're back!!!

so happy that you're back!!!

Welcome back man, it's about time.

Yay!!! You're back! I've missed you!

Welcome back Kotter!

Glad you're back!!!

welcome back! we missed you, mate!

My Big Ass Welcome Back Sale

2008-09-05T04:06:00.001-04:00

For those of you just joining the Shocking Videos Experience I'll catch you up to speed real quick: I've been on a bit of a "hiatus" for the past few months. There were all kinds of rumors and B.S. floating around as to why but the truth of the matter is I was just tired and burned out and needed a break. So I took one. And now I'm back.

Yes indeed, and I am back in a big way - rested, refreshed and ready to once again bring you the finest of the rarest. And what better way to celebrate than with a big ass sale, right? So here it is, MY BIG ASS WELCOME BACK SALE:

From now until Friday, Sept 12th at Midnight EST buy any two DVDs at regular price and take a third DVD of your choice FREE. That's right, buy 2, get a 3rd FOR FREE with NO LIMITS! That means buy 4 DVDs and take 2 more FREE! Buy 6 DVDs and take 3 more FREE! Buy 8 DVDS and walk away with 4 MORE FOR FREE. What's that you say? You wanna buy 20 DVDs. Well alright. And while you're at it... TAKE 10 MORE FOR FREE!!!

Told you I was back. But this madness can't last forever. So head on over to the usual spot: Shocking Videos and get your order in NOW! Oh and if you're so inclined, take a minute and show me some love while you're at. It's always good to know you've been missed.

All the Best,

Mark

A Little Thing Yes, but Such Sweet Victory

2008-09-01T02:57:00.009-04:00

That little "SV" that you'll see in your address bar when you go to Shocking Videos is called a "favicon." And geeky as it may sound, figuring out how to get that little doohickey in there has brought me more joy than it has any right to. Ah well, life's little pleasures.

Of course "SV" stands for "Shocking Videos" but it could also stand for Superior Value, Strange Visions, Supreme Vigilence, Stacked Vixens, Svelte Valentinos, Sick Violence, Sanguine Verisimilitude, Searing Viciousness, Sweltering Voluptuosness, Steamy Vaginas, Solipsist Visionaries, Steel Vaults, Sentinels of Virtue, Selfless Vegetarians, Slippery Vulgarians... You get the idea. So how many can you think of, oh Savvy Viewer?

MuvaFukah we're BACK!

2008-09-01T02:51:00.003-04:00

That's right, filmhounds. Your prayers have been heard AND answered. After a brief hiatus Shocking Videos is once again OPEN FOR BUSINESS! And like a stripper with an eight ball we are READY TO PARTY! So break out that plastic, crack open those checkbooks and let's get to it, boppers!